Baby let your guard down

You come across so hard. 
Baby let your guard down. 
Your so covered up not even with a flashlight you could be found. 
Baby let your guard down. 

Are you afraid of winning? 

Well too late cause the facts are in. 

You are young, beautiful, original just beautiful. 

Stop hiding behind the angles of your mind and allow your mind and body to align. Baby let your guard down. 

You need to realize what you truly posses. 

Get off of surface qualities dig deep push through your mess. 

Tunnel in to your core. 

Connect with self.

 Allow you to find you. 

And not leave that up to someone else... 

Baby let you guard down

Bottle up those tears and use it to clean the windows of your soul. 

Stretch beyond what you can reach. 

Scrape away disappointments, rot, mold. 

Cancel out others views and what you were told.

You know how in math things get tense and complex. 

We started out with 1+1 now we have to find x?

 It's stages to this love thing. 

Strengthen your instincts 

Embrace the complexities it may turn out to be a beautiful 

But that story will never be told 

If you don't ever allow yourself to do one thing. 

Baby let your guard down...

Release what's holding your back. 

Fathers absence. 

A mothers control. 

And so many other hidden facts. 

It's clear that you want love but just don't know how to make your approach. 

Do you remember when Peter got off the boat?

If he never made movement than on water he wouldn't have walked.. 

Moral to the story, more action, less talk. 

Give yourself a chance to have something great. 

Allow love to come in and escape. 

Enjoy the beauties of you and let others do the same. 

You're not doing it for fortune, or power or fame. 

But you're  recognizing that you're at least worth the try. 

And not just living life by getting by. 

Baby let your guard down.

@SpeakRed 

Restart

I thought I was ready.

I wasn't.

I was just recycling yesterdays mistakes, putting it in the trash compactor of my heart, and calling it love....

Out of Touch

So here I am in highschool. Lost, confused and unaware that I didnt know everything yet I'm walking through life as if I have it all figured out. I was so naive. I treated my education like an extra curriculum activity. Wandering through the halls unnerved by my surroundings. Uninterested in achieving anything. Unfocused and headed nowhere. How did a child who was once enthusiastic about her education. One who had dreams and goals. How did she get lost?  Many wrong turns...and no compass. I was reading the wrong map. So I gave up on the one thing that was most important... Me.

denied

I look like a boy. 

That's how I felt when I was 8. By the time middle school came I still didn't have a shape. 

I was regular. 

I wasn't allowed to fit in. No French rolls. No finger waves. To my mom it was all a sin. 

That's too grown. I don't care what the other parents will allow. You do as I say and you do it when....NOW! 

No winning battles in that house. It was always a constant war.

 'No'was a family member of the verbal persuasion. No talking back and no slamming of doors. 

 Imagine for a moment being mute in a not so silent world. Hating the very essence of being a girl. 

Because with it came so many rules. All of these instructions and no tools. 

Figure it out.

You ever question your existence? Just sat and asked God Why am I here? Well every day that I lived was another day that I feared.

It was as if being a girl was a disease. The lowest common denominator. A fallacy. Always questioning my motives. My intentions. I aimed to be invisible because that's what I was taught. Back straight head held high. Don't give boys a first or second thought. 

But I'm a girl. 

What happened to pretty? 

Why did beauty have to leave out once I entered into the room? 

Who said intellect couldn't exist with beautiful? 

Even while minding after my siblings and pushing a broom. 

Well needless to say good grades left. This was too much to take on. An unwanted stress. To be successful and dreaming big I received much protest. I listened. I was polite. I was of the responsible kind. Since they said it was a terrible thing to waste I created a new world in my mind. I got lost in my creativity. Read books as a way out. Those characters I became. Their story I lived.
Freedom at last.
If only for a couple of hours, I got a chance to escape. And at this point in my journey I took what I could take.
I was pretty during those moments. Long and flowing hair. Eyes that gave no clues of the secrets I had bestowed. No borders around my dreams. It was there I could just let go.
 I escaped.
 I found my only friend. Me. My alter ego.  It was there I didn't have to pretend.

But that didn't stop the other me from being condemned.

 I wasn't perfect enough. You ever try living with rage and passion? Love and hate? Rushing through life hoping for an escape? I found myself drifting...

conception

Fancy isn't it? Deep wombs of complicated mysteries tucked away inside of an unopened box. Treasures buried. Hidden. Never to be realized. Until..
Until the day that white sterile walls surrounded me. Eyes piercing through slightly worn glasses challenged me. My guilt became my comfort. I nestled there. Not totally comfortable but comfortable enough. Betrayed by my own thoughts, I chose to rest in my confused state of being. Existing only in physical form. I left. I went to an unknown. I was resting. The thought of escaping my newly found mirage was not thought of. My hidden treasures, the ones that were buried deep inside of me could not be found or that would have been the end of me. At least that's what I thought.

Awakened

I wanted to die. So at night I stayed up and cried. After cutting a wrist that remained intact after countless tries. The knife dropped to the floor and I just cried. Wondering why am I still alive.

I wanted to die. But instead of drifting off into eternity. Reality set in.

And the stillness of voices whispered in my ear.

LIVE 

This mirror that's before me reflects life's descrepancies. Seized with much power. Dismantled by common casualties. Dismissed from a thinking world. Forward movement doesn't exist. Tainted spirits. Deceptive minds. Ignorance is Bliss. Staring at this reflection. I question..where did we go wrong? Collecting wrong choices as if their badges of honor. The horror.
#speakRED #poetry #spokenword