Cupids Arrow

I Choose To Win

Woman

Suicide

I was contemplating suicide just a week ago.
One bullet to the head
Who in Hell would know
Risk it all
Give it all away for my sanity
Never understood why people are constantly coming for me.
The difference between you and me is I didn't pull the trigger.
Facing the image in the mirror-A powerful figure.
Wondering how and when did I get to this dead end.
 Frustrated by it all
I just want it to end.
Start fresh
Begin anew
Even if it's in eternity.
Death looks beautiful when you've lost your sanity,
And your vision,
And your dreams have become obsolete.
The only thing you end up grasping is defeat
Tired of my day to day
Distracted by novel success.
Sick of hearing people say 'This is just a test'
Give it a rest!
My life's a mess!
Struggling with what I see and my reality
Reminiscing of days past
What happened to me?
I was contemplating suicide just a week ago
One bullet to the head
Who but Hell would know?
Risk it all
Give it all away, for my sanity
For my sanity
For my sanity?
Reaching for outside sources, but no one can save me.

I Speak

I want my raw emotions on paper.
I need to release.
I'm not trying to hold you long
I just want to state my peace
I speak strength,
Courage,
Love,
Respect.
I speak lust,
Compassion,
Truth,
Sex.
Dialect my future, intertwined with fate.
Realizing my now. Knowing God made no mistakes.
I speak my truths.
Some hurts.
Others pain.
A challenging youth.
I apologize for nothing that I may say, because if you walked the path that I have, your words, you too would slay.
I'm comfortable with this.
Accepting that all things are for a reason, and to stop now would mean that I'm no longer breathing...
I speak.

Threesome

I can't hold on to two .

To hold on to one means I forsake the other and I'm tired of playing tug of war. I mean my hands are sore. Tired of forsaking my heart for yours. 

Staring in the mirror trying to convince Perfect that its flawless. Not realizing that your perfect regardless. 

He points out my fine lines, my blemish, the extra weight so under his voice my eminence diminish. 

 I can't hold on to two. To give into one means to neglect the other and I'm left empty. Now even I resent me. I keep neglecting the one who sent me. So I return to the position of grace. Bow my head and pray... Again.

Delusions

I was told to write a list.

He has to be smart

Strong build, educated and easy on the eyes.

Someone who I can depend on. Sense of humor 

is a must

I'm a girl who loves to smile

At least 6'1

He has to believe in God

be honest and fun

No kids is preferable well maybe one is okay

He has to have his own car

And his own place.

I may be okay with dating outside of my race.

I need a man who'll be there even when I'm not at my best.

Still hug me if I smell a little or if my hairs a mess

Shower me with great gifts and understand that I want to wait... Till marriage before I share my girly treasures. Great listener, cool dancer just all around perfect.

I mean I'm a great girl. Don't I deserve it? 

Did I forget to mention No Mama Boys. The ones who still live at home and play with Tonka Toys. And please no baby mama drama. On second thought no kids is great. I'm not worried about time. I'm willing to wait. At least until next Tuesday. A girl has things to do and I need a date.