Our Time is now!

So what do we do now? We're losing fortitude in the crusade as our kings and queens continue to fall down. We hold stop the violence rallies and there's venom when we speak but our neighborhoods are still crumbling and rivers of blood still stain our streets. We talk a good talk but where is our fight. And why are we so divided when trying to achieve new foresight. I read about a campaign on Instagram that says #somedayistoday and in the comment section an obtuse framed mind wrote 'yea okay'. So what is your solution to the problem or are you here just to instigate pain? Do you want to see real change or do you hope things stay the same? Were you born to play victim? Is there no 'warrior' in your blood? Is the self hate so deep that you changed the definition of love? I'm tired too but that doesn't mean give up. And if we expect true change then it's time to say Enough is Enough. Actions speak louder so please stand up. Position yourself in a place where they will have no choice but to listen. Cue judges, lawyers, police officers, and yes politicians. Become that community leader that went on to change history. Redefine who we are instead of living life bitterly. Please... This is critical. We can't afford to continue to be so cynical. So I stand with the campaign #Somedayistoday because I refuse to accept that it was all a dream.

Cupids Arrow

I Choose To Win

Woman

Suicide

I was contemplating suicide just a week ago.
One bullet to the head
Who in Hell would know
Risk it all
Give it all away for my sanity
Never understood why people are constantly coming for me.
The difference between you and me is I didn't pull the trigger.
Facing the image in the mirror-A powerful figure.
Wondering how and when did I get to this dead end.
 Frustrated by it all
I just want it to end.
Start fresh
Begin anew
Even if it's in eternity.
Death looks beautiful when you've lost your sanity,
And your vision,
And your dreams have become obsolete.
The only thing you end up grasping is defeat
Tired of my day to day
Distracted by novel success.
Sick of hearing people say 'This is just a test'
Give it a rest!
My life's a mess!
Struggling with what I see and my reality
Reminiscing of days past
What happened to me?
I was contemplating suicide just a week ago
One bullet to the head
Who but Hell would know?
Risk it all
Give it all away, for my sanity
For my sanity
For my sanity?
Reaching for outside sources, but no one can save me.

I Speak

I want my raw emotions on paper.
I need to release.
I'm not trying to hold you long
I just want to state my peace
I speak strength,
Courage,
Love,
Respect.
I speak lust,
Compassion,
Truth,
Sex.
Dialect my future, intertwined with fate.
Realizing my now. Knowing God made no mistakes.
I speak my truths.
Some hurts.
Others pain.
A challenging youth.
I apologize for nothing that I may say, because if you walked the path that I have, your words, you too would slay.
I'm comfortable with this.
Accepting that all things are for a reason, and to stop now would mean that I'm no longer breathing...
I speak.

Threesome

I can't hold on to two .

To hold on to one means I forsake the other and I'm tired of playing tug of war. I mean my hands are sore. Tired of forsaking my heart for yours. 

Staring in the mirror trying to convince Perfect that its flawless. Not realizing that your perfect regardless. 

He points out my fine lines, my blemish, the extra weight so under his voice my eminence diminish. 

 I can't hold on to two. To give into one means to neglect the other and I'm left empty. Now even I resent me. I keep neglecting the one who sent me. So I return to the position of grace. Bow my head and pray... Again.

Delusions

I was told to write a list.

He has to be smart

Strong build, educated and easy on the eyes.

Someone who I can depend on. Sense of humor 

is a must

I'm a girl who loves to smile

At least 6'1

He has to believe in God

be honest and fun

No kids is preferable well maybe one is okay

He has to have his own car

And his own place.

I may be okay with dating outside of my race.

I need a man who'll be there even when I'm not at my best.

Still hug me if I smell a little or if my hairs a mess

Shower me with great gifts and understand that I want to wait... Till marriage before I share my girly treasures. Great listener, cool dancer just all around perfect.

I mean I'm a great girl. Don't I deserve it? 

Did I forget to mention No Mama Boys. The ones who still live at home and play with Tonka Toys. And please no baby mama drama. On second thought no kids is great. I'm not worried about time. I'm willing to wait. At least until next Tuesday. A girl has things to do and I need a date.

lets just Parent

I'm done with your juvenile antics. 

I have a great bond with my seed and you can't stand it.

Just stop with your lies, fake cries, and wanna be spies---We are through. 

So how about you move on to something new? 

Can we just focus on being parents, instead of allowing your bitterness to be transparent.?

Jazz Fingers

Jazz fingers playing the melody of my heart

Dispensing rhythms allowing them to echo in the air and bring joy to my soul.

He asked me to dance. It was the first time love had soul and I knew in that moment he was my forever.

Change...

I just want to change our vision with my words. 

So maybe you can tutor that misbehaved little boy. Or show more patience to that sassy little girl. Cause maybe she's being molested at home and because of adult movements she now thinks she's grown.

That little boy had the fake gun because he wanted to be like you. But instead of you being officer friendly we hear the nurse scream out code blue. CLEAR/\/\/----... CLEAR/\/\/-----... 

We won't wake up until the enemy has said ALL CLEAR! 🎬. 

🎶Self destruction we're headed for self destruction🎶. #publicEnemy

Baby let your guard down

You come across so hard. 
Baby let your guard down. 
Your so covered up not even with a flashlight you could be found. 
Baby let your guard down. 

Are you afraid of winning? 

Well too late cause the facts are in. 

You are young, beautiful, original just beautiful. 

Stop hiding behind the angles of your mind and allow your mind and body to align. Baby let your guard down. 

You need to realize what you truly posses. 

Get off of surface qualities dig deep push through your mess. 

Tunnel in to your core. 

Connect with self.

 Allow you to find you. 

And not leave that up to someone else... 

Baby let you guard down

Bottle up those tears and use it to clean the windows of your soul. 

Stretch beyond what you can reach. 

Scrape away disappointments, rot, mold. 

Cancel out others views and what you were told.

You know how in math things get tense and complex. 

We started out with 1+1 now we have to find x?

 It's stages to this love thing. 

Strengthen your instincts 

Embrace the complexities it may turn out to be a beautiful 

But that story will never be told 

If you don't ever allow yourself to do one thing. 

Baby let your guard down...

Release what's holding your back. 

Fathers absence. 

A mothers control. 

And so many other hidden facts. 

It's clear that you want love but just don't know how to make your approach. 

Do you remember when Peter got off the boat?

If he never made movement than on water he wouldn't have walked.. 

Moral to the story, more action, less talk. 

Give yourself a chance to have something great. 

Allow love to come in and escape. 

Enjoy the beauties of you and let others do the same. 

You're not doing it for fortune, or power or fame. 

But you're  recognizing that you're at least worth the try. 

And not just living life by getting by. 

Baby let your guard down.

@SpeakRed 

Restart

I thought I was ready.

I wasn't.

I was just recycling yesterdays mistakes, putting it in the trash compactor of my heart, and calling it love....

Out of Touch

So here I am in highschool. Lost, confused and unaware that I didnt know everything yet I'm walking through life as if I have it all figured out. I was so naive. I treated my education like an extra curriculum activity. Wandering through the halls unnerved by my surroundings. Uninterested in achieving anything. Unfocused and headed nowhere. How did a child who was once enthusiastic about her education. One who had dreams and goals. How did she get lost?  Many wrong turns...and no compass. I was reading the wrong map. So I gave up on the one thing that was most important... Me.

denied

I look like a boy. 

That's how I felt when I was 8. By the time middle school came I still didn't have a shape. 

I was regular. 

I wasn't allowed to fit in. No French rolls. No finger waves. To my mom it was all a sin. 

That's too grown. I don't care what the other parents will allow. You do as I say and you do it when....NOW! 

No winning battles in that house. It was always a constant war.

 'No'was a family member of the verbal persuasion. No talking back and no slamming of doors. 

 Imagine for a moment being mute in a not so silent world. Hating the very essence of being a girl. 

Because with it came so many rules. All of these instructions and no tools. 

Figure it out.

You ever question your existence? Just sat and asked God Why am I here? Well every day that I lived was another day that I feared.

It was as if being a girl was a disease. The lowest common denominator. A fallacy. Always questioning my motives. My intentions. I aimed to be invisible because that's what I was taught. Back straight head held high. Don't give boys a first or second thought. 

But I'm a girl. 

What happened to pretty? 

Why did beauty have to leave out once I entered into the room? 

Who said intellect couldn't exist with beautiful? 

Even while minding after my siblings and pushing a broom. 

Well needless to say good grades left. This was too much to take on. An unwanted stress. To be successful and dreaming big I received much protest. I listened. I was polite. I was of the responsible kind. Since they said it was a terrible thing to waste I created a new world in my mind. I got lost in my creativity. Read books as a way out. Those characters I became. Their story I lived.
Freedom at last.
If only for a couple of hours, I got a chance to escape. And at this point in my journey I took what I could take.
I was pretty during those moments. Long and flowing hair. Eyes that gave no clues of the secrets I had bestowed. No borders around my dreams. It was there I could just let go.
 I escaped.
 I found my only friend. Me. My alter ego.  It was there I didn't have to pretend.

But that didn't stop the other me from being condemned.

 I wasn't perfect enough. You ever try living with rage and passion? Love and hate? Rushing through life hoping for an escape? I found myself drifting...

conception

Fancy isn't it? Deep wombs of complicated mysteries tucked away inside of an unopened box. Treasures buried. Hidden. Never to be realized. Until..
Until the day that white sterile walls surrounded me. Eyes piercing through slightly worn glasses challenged me. My guilt became my comfort. I nestled there. Not totally comfortable but comfortable enough. Betrayed by my own thoughts, I chose to rest in my confused state of being. Existing only in physical form. I left. I went to an unknown. I was resting. The thought of escaping my newly found mirage was not thought of. My hidden treasures, the ones that were buried deep inside of me could not be found or that would have been the end of me. At least that's what I thought.

Awakened

I wanted to die. So at night I stayed up and cried. After cutting a wrist that remained intact after countless tries. The knife dropped to the floor and I just cried. Wondering why am I still alive.

I wanted to die. But instead of drifting off into eternity. Reality set in.

And the stillness of voices whispered in my ear.

LIVE 

This mirror that's before me reflects life's descrepancies. Seized with much power. Dismantled by common casualties. Dismissed from a thinking world. Forward movement doesn't exist. Tainted spirits. Deceptive minds. Ignorance is Bliss. Staring at this reflection. I question..where did we go wrong? Collecting wrong choices as if their badges of honor. The horror.
#speakRED #poetry #spokenword

All of this time Ive been writing my dreams, visions, thoughts on pages just to stow away for my own viewing. When I started on this journey it was just to free me, but then I thought, what If my words could heal another...So my journey begins. Take a walk with me. #SpeakRED